toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
