sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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