I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
