I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
