I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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