ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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