Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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