happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
