the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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