She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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