you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
