So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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