yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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