it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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