So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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