Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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