Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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