Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
