i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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