Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
