I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
