was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
