That's intense
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
