do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
