why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my poor anus
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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