I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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