he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and she was petting her beer can
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
