The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
