woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
