If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
