wat bout pragnant strippers??
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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