I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
