My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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