I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
