I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
