he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
