omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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