I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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