you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
