Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
