It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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