did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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