I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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