You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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