she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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