i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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