Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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