dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
