i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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