Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
