If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
