this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
