Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I smell stomach acid.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
