my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
