it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
