i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
