All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
