Drunk walkin through police station. America
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
