never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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