good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
