so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
