We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
