This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
