I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
