I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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