Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
