Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
